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Quiz - Identify problems and suggest corrections:

The damage occurred during an avalanche above a crew of trackers on the slippery path that struck a pagoda which Baosheng said controlled the feng-shui and toppled several trees.
Suggested Answer: 
Damage occurred above a crew of trackers on the slippery path. The avalanche toppled several trees and struck a pagoda which Baosheng said controlled the feng-shui.

One dysfunctional pagoda could not distinguish wind and water.
Answer: 
One dysfunctional pagoda could not distinguish wind from water.

Baosheng compared his favorite pick-up line to the phrase, "Shall I compare thee with a summer's day?"
Answer: 
Baosheng compared his favorite pick-up line with the phrase, "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

Many inhabitants of the Yangtze valleys attribute their longevity from good feng-shui.
Answer: 
Many inhabitants of the Yangtze valleys attribute their longevity to good feng-shui.

Baosheng sat quietly near the pagoda on the bluff above the water. His gas pains had subsided. He closed his eyes and concentrated on feeling the feng-shui. Sensing a peaceful balance between the yin and the yang, Baosheng flashed a manic smile and exhaled with gusto.
{ edit for unity and consistent tone }
Suggested Answer: 
Baosheng sat quietly near the pagoda on the bluff above the water. He closed his eyes and concentrated on feeling the feng-shui. Sensing a peaceful balance between the yin and the yang, Baosheng smiled and breathed deeply.

It was a humid day. The hot sunshine bore down relentlessly. Baosheng sighed. He moved slowly along the trackers' path.
{ improve the flow within longer sentences }
Suggested Answer: 
In the oppressive humidity, Baosheng sighed. Under the relentless hot sun, he moved slowly along the trackers' path.

Some say the tracker died from stress after worrying over the hazards of the Emperor Path.
Answer: 
Some say the tracker died of stress after worrying about the hazards of the Emperor Path.

Captain Zhou looked up from the junk as the wind howled to the pagoda.
Suggested Answer: 
As the wind howled, Captain Zhou looked up from the junk to the pagoda.

 

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