Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem areas:
Baosheng is exhausted as he pulls the boat with the other five trackers on the hazardous Emperor Path tethered to their junk along a narrow path carved out of the vertical rock in the ravines slowly up the Yangtze river.
He is content because the pagoda above provides protection and has a great view of the landscape. It controls the feng-shui [fung shway]. The feng-shui is the "wind-water" of that place on the river. The pagoda balances the two influences of the feng-shui. One influence is the female, or yin. The other influence is the male, or yang. Because the holy pagoda provides this heavenly balance, Baosheng is blessed with golden karma and is serenely confident that he is safe. So, despite the difficult work, Baosheng is content after noticing the pagoda on the cliff.
- Style: Consistent Tone -
Suggestion: Try to maintain the same tone throughout each piece of writing. The tone reveals your attitude. If it is not consistent, it may confuse your readers.
The tone is factual in our opening paragraphs until, in the second paragraph it suddenly becomes reverent and gushing:
Because the holy pagoda provides this heavenly balance, Baosheng is blessed with golden karma and is serenely confident that he is safe.
We should rewrite this sentence to keep the tone consistent:
Because the pagoda provides this balance, Baosheng is confident that he is safe.