Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem area:
Baosheng is exhausted as he pulls the boat with the other five trackers on the hazardous Emperor Path tethered to their junk along a narrow path carved out of the vertical rock in the ravines slowly up the Yangtze river.
He is content because the pagoda above provides protection and has a great view of the landscape. It controls the feng-shui [fung shway]. The feng-shui is the "wind-water" of that place on the river. The pagoda balances the two influences of the feng-shui. One influence is the female, or yin. The other influence is the male, or yang. Because the holy pagoda provides this heavenly balance, Baosheng is blessed with golden karma and is serenely confident that he is safe. So, despite the difficult work, Baosheng is content after noticing the pagoda on the cliff.
Paragraphs should also be examined closely. At a higher level, as we re-read our paragraphs and pages, we should critically examine our prose for consistency -- consistency of topics within paragraphs, and consistency of tone across paragraphs.
- Style: Unity -
Suggestion: Edit for paragraph unity. Make sure each sentence helps develop the topic. Scrutinize sentences that don't. Think whether anything has been left unsaid, something that is important to the topic.
In our first example from the opening paragraph, the underlined text is not relevant. Because it detracts from paragraph unity, it should be deleted:
He is content because the pagoda above provides protection and has a great view of the landscape.
A fact important to the first paragraph is mistakenly placed at the end of the second paragraph:
So, despite the difficult work, Baosheng is content after noticing the pagoda on the cliff.
A rewrite completes the first paragraph and provides a nice transition into the second:
Despite the difficult work, however, Baosheng is content after noticing the pagoda on the cliff.