Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem areas:
From St. Louis to Baton Rouge, the Mississippi is a tree-lined, muddy-banked river with football-field-shaped boats called tows. Each tow has origination in individual barges, with an interface implementation competency of 50, the bottom line being a lashing procedure empowering a parallelepiped paradigm. Up to 500 railway freight cars can be transported in one tow. And each incredibly awesome tow is pushed from behind by a disgusting square-bowed towboat.
Life on a towboat can be a little hard. A crew of 10 often spends 30 days on the river, seldom sleeping more than 5 hours in a day. It is rather important that they are very watchful when navigating the channel, being pretty alert for shifting sand bars.
- Style: Avoid Being Brash -
Suggestion: Be temperate in your choice of words and in your judgments. Avoid being brash.
Consider the example in our opening paragraph:
And each incredibly awesome tow is pushed from behind by a disgusting square-bowed towboat.
Note how differently the sentence reads when the brash words are removed:
And each tow is pushed from behind by a square-bowed towboat.
If you overstate or overemphasize your point, readers will be irritated. If you assert something too strongly, they will begin to disbelieve you. When they lose confidence in your judgment, you have lost their trust.