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Grammar Ganges

Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem areas:

The morning was so somber. Before dawn, Amitabh and Chandan carried the bamboo stretcher through the sleepy streets of Varanasi, down to the river. Amitabh's face showed more pain than Chandan.

They will arrive at the burning ghats of Manikarnika as the sun rose above the horizon. Wrapped in red silk, their load was placed next to a neat pile of sandalwood. Workers dipped the body in the holy Ganges, then it was set on a pyre. For three hours Amitabh and Chandan watched the burning. Amitabh felt more affection for his grandmother than Chandan. As blue smoke rose above the ghats, Amitabh would pray that the soul of his grandmother would soon reach paradise.

Answer:

A shift in voice is shown later in our opening paragraph:

    Workers dipped the body in the holy Ganges, then it was set on a pyre.

Here we shift from active voice, workers dipped, to passive voice, it was set. Avoid these unnecessary shifts that only confuse readers:

    Workers dipped the body in the holy Ganges, then they set it on a pyre.

A subtle shift in mood makes our final sentence awkward:

    As blue smoke rose above the ghats, Amitabh would pray that the soul of his grandmother would soon reach paradise.

Here the shift is from the indicative mood, blue smoke rose, to the subjunctive mood, he would pray. When appropriate, keep the moods consistent:

    As blue smoke rose above the ghats, Amitabh prayed that the soul of his grandmother would soon reach paradise.

 

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