Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem area:
I was surprised when I was first made aware that Lake Tanganyika had no outlet in 1874. At about that time, however, tectonic activity changed local drainage systems. In 1876 Stanley determined (or at least he took credit for doing so) that the lake was draining by way of the Lukuga into the Congo. And wouldn't ya know it, fine readers, that pond on the hill let loose with ten meters of H2O over the next two-score years.
A few words about "good" style: let it emerge by itself. Be honest and write the way you think. Your creative side will draw on all the good writing you have read. But your words will be a unique presentation. Keep at it and your style will emerge. Write and it will come.
- Style: Avoid Self Reference -
Suggestion: When it is appropriate to write from a distance, draw attention to the subject and not to yourself.
In our opening paragraph, the author starts right out with an unnecessary self reference:
I was surprised when I was first made aware that Lake Tanganyika had no outlet in 1874.
It is not that difficult to rewrite such personal references. We owe it to our readers to guide their attention to the subject matter instead of to ourselves:
It is interesting to note that Lake Tanganyika had no outlet in 1874.