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Style Amazon

Suggest improvements for the highlighted problem areas:

The banks of the Amazon are subject to baneful forces. Variable flood levels and strong tides, which can be felt 800 kilometers inland, can severely erode the banks. This erosion can cause terra cahides (mighty rock falls). When an earthen retaining wall becomes weak, a large section of it can rip free, bringing down huge amounts of dirt, rock, and trees with a thunderous clamor. A really big and scary flood wave rolls across the river, bounces off the other side, and returns to crash against the bank. The fragile bank can then be worn away and weakened again, and, as anyone who has ever experienced mother nature's wrath could surmise about the obvious consequences, more land breaks free and plunges into the river with another mighty roar.

Answer:

- Avoid Long-Winded Writing -

Our opening paragraph provides one more example of a problem with style. It is an example of begin long-winded, and is especially troublesome because it is long-winded about something of little importance. This is usually done by people who get carried away and forget that they are writing for other people. And other people are not at all interested in the random and unrelated thoughts flying through the writer's head.

Suggestion: Be direct and sincere. Don't be long-winded or pompous about trivial matters.

    The fragile bank can then be worn away and weakened again, and, as anyone who has ever experienced mother nature's wrath could surmise about the obvious consequences, more land breaks free and plunges into the river with another mighty roar.
     
    The fragile bank can then be worn away and weakened again, breaking free more land, which plunges into the river with another mighty roar.

Any useful book on writing will explain that 'good' style does not come from copying the way famous writers write. It comes when you show who you are by the way you say what you have to say. The best way to do this is to be as clear and accurate as you can be.

 

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